Ian Frazier’s Lamentations of the Father
Have you ever read Ian Frazier‘s 1997 piece for the Atlantic Monthly, Laws Concerning Food and Drink; Household Principles; Lamentations of the Father?
It’s so funny.
Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink…
I’m pleased to report that they still have the whole thing online at the Atlantic web site. If you haven’t read it, you should. If you have read it, why not read it again?